your room smells of hookers.
And success
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
