By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
