I want to walk on stilts...naked
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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