im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
