Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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