normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
