At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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