Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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