Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
