There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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