I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
