i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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