i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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