She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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