you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
