This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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