so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
