shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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