I just cut my nipple shaving
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
