i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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