I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
