Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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