Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
