it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
