New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
