a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Drunk is a universal language darling
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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