Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
where are my eyebrows?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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