one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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