dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
