Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm bleeding and have questions
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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