There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
