My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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