I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
