I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
