She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
