We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
