the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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