Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
