Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
