just survived the first fart of the relationship.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
