How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
