Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She said her name was "party"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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