Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
