bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
