it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
