my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I touched a dick in church today
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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