you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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