so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
