Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
