My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize