I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
