The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
