Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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