dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
