3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
handjob tips. give me some.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
