i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
