either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
