Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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