you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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