Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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