At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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