Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
