i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
