I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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