Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
