Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
