you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
