how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Boobs are out for the taking
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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