So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
