Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
