You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
