why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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