some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
