she was so not down for the gang bang
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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