last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
