Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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