Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
